Or maybe it's just that everyone writes about the same stuff.
Like Twitter. Yes, that's right, I believe I've discovered the secret. You're not a real blogger until you've posted an "Awesome Tips for Succeeding on Twitter!" post. So here you have mine. Read and be enlightened.
- In order to be a success on Twitter, you must send each and every one of your new followers a direct message saying, "Thanks so much for following me, my special friend! I am so very looking forward to tweeting with you! :) You, only you ...and the 4587 other people I messaged immediately after you. Keep in touch and have a restful day!"
- After you send said direct message, proceed to ignore all tweets from said new followers forevermore.
- When said followers catch onto your little game and unfollow you, let them go. Unfollow them in return. But only for a week. Then add them back and hope they don't notice you're the same person they just deleted.
- It's rude not to say good morning and good night to your Tweeple each and every day. We worry. Are you mad at us?
- Don't you ever let your followers go a day without knowing you had three square meals and a fancy coffee. It's just cruel to leave people hanging like that.
- If you're an Etsy seller tweeting about your new items, don't just post the link. Make sure you preface it with "Just sold and relisted!" It's vital that your followers know how lucky they are to be graced with the opportunity to purchase such hot-selling merchandise from you.
- As long as I'm talking to you, Etsy sellers- if you're going to post your items on Twitter, then by George, do it right and post all 97 of them in a row.
- Oh yeah, by the way Etsians? We don't care about your personal life. We only want to know what you have to sell us and how many hearts and sales you're up to. You know, the interesting stuff. Obviously.
- Use as many abbreviations and omit as many vowels as possible in your tweets. The more indecipherable, the better. B Grg Im gn 2 mk dis twt ft if it kls m! Kn u stl rd dis? IDK I tnk Im spkng Grk! Kn sm1 trnsl8? Il py u!
- If shorthand isn't your thing, it's okay to post multiple tweets one after the other to make sure you get in everything you wanted to say. Who needs a journal when you have Twitter to post your master's thesis on?
I think that about covers it for this class period. Please study the lesson, and if you have any of your own Twips to share with the class, please feel free to post them in the comments!